Who's Writing for Blissfully Wed?

Oh, I am, thanks for asking.

If you're not familiar with Blissfully Wed (also called Wedded Bliss), it's part of the online magazine Blissfully Domestic, founded by Allison Worthington.  There are great channels on anything  you can think of:  spending money, saving money, having kids, being stylish, cooking healthy food, and the list goes on.  There are lots of terrific bloggers.  Allison Worthington also has a personal blog, where you can see her funny side-or some days her more serious side.  You can check it out at Mrs. Fussypants.

Now click on over to Blissfully Wed to see what I have to say about applying the Golden Rule to marriage.  Yep, you heard me:  to marriage!

How to Host a Kid’s Pirate Party on a Budget

My son has a summer birthday, which has its advantages and disadvantages.  On the plus side, the weather usually cooperates and we can be outside.  With a slew of boys, this is always good.  On the other hand, he never gets to hear his class sing “Happy Birthday,” a fact he learned to capitalize on quite early.

Perhaps because his birthday isn’t celebrated at school, we always have a party.  However, we haven’t always had the funds—or the inclination—to turn the celebration of another year of life into a pricey affair complete with a scary clown and the moon bounce.  Nonetheless, we want his parties to be fun, and memorable.

To this end, when he turned 5 we sent his friends invitations to a treasure hunt.  Ahoy, Matey, there’s treasure involved! 

The inexpensive fun included:

• A tattoo for everyone upon arrival
• A pirate hat (homemade, with construction paper)
• The homemade cake you see above
• Games:
• Hot “treasure” (hot potato, with a bag of “gold”) My husband still mocks this game.

• Pirate-Pirate-Gold (duck duck goose) Okay, he mocks this one, too.
• Pirate tag (tag)
• Walk the plank (basically, a very low balance beam made from some wood in our garage) 

If these sound completely lame, think again.  That’s because you’re all grown up.  The kids totally loved this!  

But they especially enjoyed finding the clues that led to the treasure—a big gold box (thanks to the magic of spray paint) filled with their goody bags. 

After the cake and ice cream, they went after the bad guy (dad) with their balloon swords, sugared up and full of energy just in time for their parents to take them home.

Now that’s what I call a successful party, on a family-friendly budget.  Ahoy, indeed!

An Open Letter to My Son

Before I had you, my life centered around me. Time was a commodity and I spent it doing things I enjoyed: working at a great job, eating at fun restaurants, and reading good books.

When you were born, the center shifted and it was dramatic. As I held you, my first tiny baby, in my arms, I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of being a parent. I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of the road ahead. Instead of seeing the world through the lens of my own wants and needs, my peripheral vision intensified. I was suddenly and deeply aware of how my choices would affect you – you as a baby, as a boy, as a man.

I was overwhelmed, too, by the less significant things: the laundry—which seemed to triple with the addition of one tiny little being; the food—scheduling, and preparing, and feeding; the sleep-deprivation—enough said! Little did I know that your schedule had only begun to affect mine.

Fast forward:  

3 boys, 3 schools, 3 book fairs (fall and spring), 3 parent-teacher conferences (fall and spring), 3 PTO meetings (every other month), roller skating parties, birthday parties, soccer practice, games, tournaments, football practice and games, basketball practice and games, yoga, Pilates, updating the scrapbook and the list goes on. The laundry and grocery still need my attention. Writing and speaking take time; lots of it. And don’t forget the fun stuff: foosball, darts, Barnes and Noble visits, dinners out, dinners at home, Yahtzee, dates with dad, and time with my friends.

Here’s the thing, sweetheart: there isn’t enough time to do it all, and there isn’t enough time not to do it all. Before I blink you’ll be living in a dorm. You’ll get a job and you’ll marry a wife. You’ll have kids of your own and then, slowly, you’ll begin to understand all of this in a way that you just can’t until that day comes.

And I will have time to spare.

So until that day, I balance these things the best I can. On good weeks, I plan ahead. I know on Monday what’s for dinner on Friday, even if the plan is eating out. I have a load of laundry in before you go to school and you get it folded before you head out to practice. The other weeks, I wing it and it’s not always pretty. But either way, we eat together, we play together, and we enjoy time together as a family. These are the moments of balance. The rest is just life, flying by, whizzing more quickly than I could’ve ever believed.  I wouldn't miss participating in it for the world.

Love,
Mom

This week’s blog blast is about motherhood and balance (or the lack thereof). This post about was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA.

Wii-Free Family Game Night

Have you tried it?           

I know, it’s tempting to go Wii bowling or do the hula, and I freely admit that I love to play these things on our friends’ Wii (thanks Sharee’!).  But since we remain one of the only Wii-free homes in America (until, maybe, my birthday), our game nights still involve flipping cards, drawing pictures, or rolling the dice.

photo credit: Thunderchild

The boys didn’t have school this Thursday or Friday, so we were able to spend more time playing darts and foosball than usual these past few days.  No nasty homework or early bedtimes interfered with the intense competition, thank goodness!  And tonight, after I cooked the highly nutritious pizza from Costco for dinner, we all sat down to a game of Yahtzee.

All right.  It’s true.  I totally cheated.  Okay, the boys knew it, and I didn’t take the points, but still, I had the worst Yahtzee rolls in history which was completely unfair.  So, occasionally I asked my partner (the 6-year old) to roll again, when  we had already used all of our rolls.  I didn’t matter.  We still lost by a bazillion.

And, you know, it worked out okay.  Because I used this unfortunate situation to demonstrate a long-standing truth to the boys:  Cheaters Never Win.  Bah!

Maybe next time.

How to Get Your Kids to Write Thank-You Notes

We’re more than halfway through January, and I’m embarrassed admit that my children haven’t finished writing their thank-you notes for Christmas.  Yikes!  How did this happen?  We have litany of reasons, of course:  the looong drive home from visiting family (too tired), the quick return to school (too much homework), and basketball and soccer practice (too busy).  But the truth is that these aren’t reasons; they’re simply excuses.  Having kids write thank-you notes means parents need to be present, and I haven’t been.  My own calendar’s been chock-full and in the evening I look forward to winding down with a lovely glass of Merlot. Relaxing in my favorite chair doesn’t include helping kids say “thank you”.

But we’re buckling down, now.  We’re getting to it.  We’ll mail the notes by the 25^th if I have to run a sweat shop here.  

I don’t know what Emily Post has to say—probably that letting a whole month go by is akin to sticking your tongue out at the kindness of the gift givers—but I feel better knowing that we’ve got them in under the wire.  One month is better than two, right? 

This year we’re more behind than usual, which is probably why I’m feeling the stress.  Generally, we don’t let it go this long.  But since I don’t know any kids who clamor to write them, and I haven’t been on my parenting-with-manners game, the time has slipped by.  If your kids are among the few who graciously grab the pencil and hop to it, count your blessings.  For the rest of us, here are a few suggestions to help get the thank-you ball rolling:

1. Stuff their stocking.  Every year, along with random miscellany from Target and a deep red pomegranate, my children find thank-you notes in their stockings.  They also get them for birthday gifts—and there are usually just enough to get through the current gift-getting occasion!
   
2. Break out the glitter and markers.  It’s the old “skin in the game” idea.  When kids help create their own thank-you cards, it’s more fun to send them. You have several options here.  The most inexpensive is to simply take some paper out of your printer, fold it in half, and let them express their creativity on the cover.  Craft stores like Michaels and Hobby Lobby also sell blank note cards that kids can decorate to their hearts.  For the past few years, my kids have drawn a picture that we’ve sent to Original Works to create cool note cards.  Any way you do it accomplishes your goal:  they’re invested.
   
3. Show, don’t tell.  One year my son was complaining, endlessly, about the time it takes to write thank-you notes. I’d had enough.  The next time he was invited to a birthday party, I put my plan into action.  We checked the clock.  He did some chores and earned some money.  It took quite awhile, and he didn’t earn much.  We checked the time again, and then we drove to the toy store.  We wrote down the prices of games and toys he liked.  We calculated how long it would take to earn a gift that cool, how long it took to drive to the store, and how long it took to look around and select something he wanted to give.  Don’t forget about the time to wrap the gift!  We talked about how every single gift he receives takes time and money and effort.  He got it.  The old adages are true:  Seeing is Believing and Actions Speak Louder Than Words.  Worked like a charm.
   
4. Make it easy.  If your kids are like mine, too many gifts come through the door for any given occasion.  Rather than sitting down to thank everyone at once, set a few “writing appointments” throughout the day or week.  My 6-year old can handle one or two notes at a time.  My older boys, at 9 and 12, can do many more.  But asking kids of any age to write 8 or 9  notes at a time is a deal-breaker for encouraging gratitude.
   
5. Talk about it.  Showing thankfulness doesn’t always come naturally.  Some extremely verbal children can write a note that sounds like they copped it from Miss Manners herself.  Other kids struggle to get past “Dear Auntie Jo.”  Before they pick up their pencil, talk to your kids about which gift they’re writing about.  Help them think of one or two things they really like about that gift, so they can describe it in their own words.  Most children aren’t likely to add a conversational ending, so give them a few suggestions:  I enjoyed seeing you at Christmas; I hope to see you soon; I had a lot of fun at my birthday party; etc.  A kind one-liner before they sign off can add a much-needed sentence and help them develop better note-writing skills.
   
6. Go Digital.  Take a photo of your child wearing the pants, building the Legos or shooting the Nerf gun.  Your child can keep a copy for their room or scrapbook, and include one with their note. 
   
7. Bribery.  Hey, who doesn’t like a few M&Ms for a job well done?  Thank-you notes completed without complaint deserve a little snack.    Enjoy it, kids, and thank you for demonstrating gratitude.
   

Take Your Kids to the Symphony

As you might imagine, the top event of the weekend for three boys does not involve buttoning up an oxford shirt, pulling on freshly-pressed khakis, and slipping into the dreaded loafers, only to have to sit still for 2+ hours while listening to music. "What will we do there, mom?" my second son asked.  "Just sit and listen?"

Nonetheless...

This weekend, we did exactly that.  This wasn't a kid-oriented performance, either.  We've been to those; they're short, sweet, and aimed right at the kids.  But Peter and the Wolf and Green Eggs and Ham are an entirely different scenario from a "real" night at the symphony.   With babies crying in the next aisle over and kids passing goldfish around like trading cards, the kids' productions don't call for top-notch behavior.  Sitting next to people who haven't spend time with kids in decades changes the dynamic a bit! 

We decided to risk the change in dynamics and took the boys along to Saturday night's not-to-miss performance.  Victor Vanacore, a Grammy winning composer, conductor, and pianist, who has worked with Ray Charles, The Jackson 5, Johnny Mathis, and Barry Manilow, brought his show of salsa and mambo music to our little corner of the world.  He wowed us with his enthusiasm and energy.  He inspired us with his dedication and excitement.  He made us want to move to the Caribbean to hear more of this delightful sound.  

We were banking on this delightfulness, of course.  We hoped that by taking them to hear salsa and mambo, we'd up the odds of them actually enjoying the show, much more so than if we took them to a traditional night with straight-up classical tunes.  It was the perfect opportunity to ease them in with something a little more uptempo and fun.  Our youngest plays my old steel drum band CD endlessly, so we knew he'd like it.  Our eldest loved it, too.  He's taken piano for years and is learning the drums at school, so he has a good deal of appreciation for just how much practice goes into getting those notes exactly right.  Our second son pretty much just endured it, dropping his head to his hands every now and then, wondering when this was all going to end.  Because we're not above a little bribery, we indulged him with Sierra Mist and lifesavers at intermission.  This simple act went a long way towards boosting his spirits and may have given us another chance at taking him again.

In the end, however, there was an entirely unexpected bonus to the night.  As we watched Victor Vanacore play and lead and thoroughly enjoy himself, my eldest son remarked "I think he's having the most fun of anyone here." I think he was right.  You couldn't help but to be awed by this man's verve.  He loves his job, he loves his job, he loves his job.  It was that evident.  I'm fairly certain that given the choice to go back and do it all over again, he'd end up in exactly the same place.

The opportunity to see that lesson in practice--find your passion, follow your dream, develop your strengths--was priceless.  Our boys didn't have to listen to a lecture from us about the value of finding your passion.  They saw it with their own eyes.  We didn't sit them down and say "Work hard boys.  Follow your hearts and you will find your calling."  Nope.  We didn't have to say a thing.  As our boys sat there watching and listening, they got to experience Victor Vanacore radiate love for his profession first-hand.  They heard him talk about the early struggles and they heard him talk about winning a Grammy.  And they watched him conduct and play with joy that was palpable. Thank you Mr. Vanacore.  That lesson alone was worth every bit of cajoling it took to get the oxfords buttoned, the khakis worn, and the loafers on.

Margaret Wise Brown's Goodnight Moon, by Stages Theatre Company

When my two oldest boys were younger, our local symphony performed Green Eggs and Ham (to music, of course); it was their first symphony experience, and it was a hit.  We’re lucky to live in a community where these kinds of events aren’t hard to find.  The symphony has also done Peter and the Wolf and various other adaptations.  In the summer, they play outside at the empty ski hill, so families (or romantic couples) can enjoy an evening of their melodies under the stars.  It's a perfect, easy introduction to the symphony for kids, and a wonderful evening out for grown-ups.

Recently, the very friendly Kristin Gast, from the PR firm Tunheim Partners, invited my family to attend a musical adaptation of Margaret Wise Brown's Goodnight Moon by Stages Theatre Company.  I’m certain she was hoping for some free publicity for the gig in exchange.  Alas, it is too far away and our schedules are too tight.  We won’t be able to attend.  However, Ms. Gast is in luck!  She was correct in guessing that this type of thing is right up my alley, so I’m going to tell you all about it anyway because I'm nice that way.  And if I could get my kids there, I would.

If you can get your kids there, I encourage you to go and enjoy a Wii-free night with your family.

Details:  You’re invited to a special performance.

What:   Goodnight Moon performed by Stages Theatre Company

Where:   Hopkins, MN

When:   Beginning this Friday, January 16 – Sunday, February 15

How Much:    $15 – adults; $11 – kids and seniors

More Info:   Visit the Stages Theatre Company website or call them at 952-979-1111.

And A Tidy New Year: Cleaning Up After Christmas

In the early years of our marriage, we had a conversation that went something like this:

Spouse #1:  Honey, why do you always put your work clothes on that chair in our room?  It’s only few more steps to the hamper.  Can’t you get them to the hamper?

Spouse #2:  Ummmm, ummmmm, I don’t know, I guess so.

This conversation isn’t unusual, I know.  It plays out all over the world on a weekly basis.  The twist here is that I’m the guilty party.  My husband, the neat freak, is Spouse #1.  It’s sad, but true.  I’m the one who leaves socks on the bedroom floor, stacks piles of papers on her desk, and has to try really, really hard to remember to make the bed.  (I’m usually the last one out.)

So you can imagine that if left to my own devices we might put the ornaments away around the 4^th of July, along with the plastic Easter eggs.  Naturally, since I am married to a neat freak, this isn’t how it happens. 

This year—as you may remember—we drove long and far to visit our families for the holidays.  We left our house in the wee hours of December 26, which means that we left a decorated tree and all of the Christmas loot at home, along with a few cookies on the counter for a science experiment.  We're always thinking about our kids' educations, you know?  When we returned from our lengthy trip with bags full of dirty laundry and a trunk full of new toys, the only thing I really wanted was a long, hot shower.  Alas, it wasn’t to be.  My neat and tidy husband had other ideas.  

“Let’s get everything into the house,” he said, “and then get the ornaments and decorations put away, so we can take down the tree.” 

“Huh?” I said, startled by his ambition.  “Huh,” I repeated, still thinking “hot shower, hot shower, hot shower."

And so we begin.  And most years, even if we stay home, it’s the same.  Choose the day and get it done:  Ornaments off the tree and into the big box.  Lights down, wrapped around some wire thing my husband rigged up to keep them neat, and into the light box.  Tree out the door to the park that recycles them (this is his job).  Decorations off of the mantle and into the decoration boxes (this is mine).  And on it goes.  While the decoration day is a festive affair with music and snacks and holiday joy, the take-it-all-down day is just business.  Get it done.

And I must admit that I’m glad my husband is wired this way.  Because, in the end, I love being neat and tidy, too.  I just wouldn’t get there by myself.

This post was written for Parent Blogger Network's blog blast.  They recommend checking out SC Johnson's Right@Home Website, for lots of helpful home care articles.  For a chance to win a $250 Visa gift card, join the blog blast--the deadline is tonight.  See the rules, here.

Snow or No Snow?

See what I think about it over at Midwest Parents today.

The New Year

Through the many that we've known each other, my husband and I have celebrated in myriad ways.

There were the those years, closer to the dark ages, when we attended some sort of fancy dinner and dance and rang in the New Year with a swig of champagne and a smoldering kiss.  Please don't dwell on the dress. I borrowed it from a friend and, at the time, thought it looked swell.  Not really sure how it stayed up.

Other years, we've celebrated with friends.  On this particular occasion, we got together with friends from our church.  You know we were a rockin' crowd.  I think board games were involved.  (Still friends with all of them.  Must've been good board games!)

But the last two years, we've celebrated with my mother, father, and still-eligible younger brother.  Because, you know, nothing says New Year's Eve like hanging out with the family.  And playing homemade Pictionary.

Yep, ladies, he's still available.  If you are looking for a fine young man who works a lot, golfs a lot, and is willing to play Pictionary with his nephews on NYE, he could be yours!

They got it!! 

Even though it wasn't a crazy night out on the town, things did get a little crazy on my parents deck.  I think the neighbors especially appreciated the banging of the pan lids.  It's a lovely family tradition that I'm sure we'll carry on through the ages.  My grandchildren, no doubt, will think it's a thing all normal families do on New Year's Eve.  God bless 'em.

Happy 2009.  Here's to nights on the town, nights with family and friends, and boys who haven't yet ditched us for their friends on this night.

Happy New Year to Me OR Teach Your Kids To Do The Laundry

  

Washing Machine

1. Choose load size: small, medium, large or extra large.
2. Turn temperature to warm/cold.
3. Options: off/off
4. Choose agitate/spin Fabric Select:
• For loads with towels or jeans: high/high
• For loads with t-shirts, socks, shirts or boxers: high/low
5. Push round knob in. Turn to Normal (6 for smaller loads, 10 for bigger or dirtier loads). Pull knob out and water will start.
6. Add detergent to water. Low line for small loads, higher line for bigger loads.
7. Add clothes to water.
8. Close lid.


Dryer

1. Choose temperature.
• Loads with t-shirts, shirts, boxers, and socks: Medium
• Loads with towels or jeans: High
2. Wrinkle Shield: Off
3. End of Cycle: On (makes it buzz when it’s done)
4. Turn round knob to:
• Accudry Very Dry for loads with towels and jeans.
• Accudry Energy Preferred: for loads with t-shirts, boxers, regular shirts or socks.
5. Press On button (far right).


Why, oh why, you may wonder, am I typing up something I've already known for a bazillion years. And in such simplified terms. With so few options. Why, indeed?!

Because, my friends, it is a new year, and with a new year comes the wind of change. In this year, my 12-year old will make his own lunch, at least a few times a week, finally learn to hang his coat on the hook, and chip in by starting a load of laundry every now and then. With these few helpful hints, neatly  laminated and hanging in the laundry room, he'll no longer "forget how" to do it. It will be oh so clear.  So very kind of me, don't you think?

Now that's what I call a Happy New Year.

Universal Wireless for All

When I was in college, I had what you might call a Diet Pepsi & Mountain Dew habit. But then I spent a sememster in Austria, where Diet Pepsi was made with saccharin, which made me nauseous. After enduring the knife-splitting headaches of withdrawal, I swore off addiction once and for all.

And then came blogging. No, I'm not stocking up on Advil again, but I haven't had much access to Mayberry or mamabird or the rest of you, and it's making me a teensy bit antsy. Okay, maybe "antsy" isn't how the others would describe it, but seriously, it's making me nuts.

I'd like to do a real post here, something about New Year's and goals or resolutions or lofty aspirations. But since I'm totally stealing my dad's laptop and sneaking in a few forbidden moments to myself, I don't have time right now. Instead, I simply want to wish all of you a happy and healthy 2009. And dream of universal access to wireless for everyone!

Have I...?

forgotten that I have a blog and bloggy friends? No.

driven through an ice storm that turned a 10 hour trip into 12? Yes.

been up to my eyeballs in extended family fun? Oh yes!

had access to wireless? Not even close.

wondered how people survive without wireless? Several times an hour.

ever posted from my iPhone before? Nope. A first time for everything.

And, hopefully, the last. Perhaps we'll get them wireless for Mother's Day!