A Mother of a Pie

Mother is an oft-romanticized word, connected with the aroma of pies in the oven and neatly made beds. I must admit that I fall short on both of these counts but I don’t think this disqualifies me from the role of Mom-Who-Tries-Really-Hard. Mothers, of course, come in a million different packages, and we are all unique, just like the little ones we’re raising. In spite of our differences, and the fallacies that come with our idealization of the role, there are some traits I think are universal, that all mothers share when we are at our best. Here are a few:

A mother is strong. Sometimes we’re strong physically, sometimes spiritually, sometimes emotionally. Occasionally we are all three at once; at other times, the difficult ones, we are none of these. But in the end we not only have strength, but we learn share it with our children, so that they may have it, too.

A mother knows her limits. We seek counsel and cherish the wisdom of those who have gone before us. We ask and listen and consider what is best for our children and our situation. We understand that the Joneses do not have all of the answers, even if they do have all of the stuff.

A mother is, in turn, anxious and carefree, angry and overjoyed. Quite often, we are tired. We cannot believe how much our lives have changed since having children. Every now and then, especially when the children are very small, we long for the freedom of our child-free days, but we don’t waste too much time on such wistfulness. We are grateful to be where we are.

A mother is almost always teetering on the edge, striving to balance all of the promises of her own childhood, the desires of adulthood, and the responsibilities of motherhood. She finds herself at a crossroads, over and over again, and must prioritize and decide and make the best choices for herself and her family. This is never easy. Mothers rarely walk an easy path.

A mother is not always her child’s best friend, but she is her constant and steadfast ally. We are on our child’s side, even if that means watching her suffer through the consequences of poor decisions. We do our best to make life choices that help our children grow, rather than choices that simply make our lives easier. (See above: this is not a job for the faint-hearted.)

Mothers are friends, if they know what’s good for them, with other women. Older, younger, single, married, childless, or with a full quiver—it doesn’t really matter, although my personal experience says that the more varied the friends, the better. Mothers seek companionship and laughter from their girlfriends, and lend a hand or offer consolation as appropriate. We help one another keep a balanced perspective. And when—even though we know better—we still sweat the small stuff, our friends are right there beside us, cheering us on and helping us through.

A mother knows joy and she knows heartache. We weave these two cords together, bind them with love, and help our children understand how to experience the former even while enduring the latter. If our children are fortunate, we are able to teach them that joy is a choice, separate from feeling happy because things are currently going their way. Our lives are our example.

There are minutes, hours, and days when mothers are not patient, kind, good or gentle. But we want to be, we hope to be, we try to be, as often as we can. When we falter, we don’t allow these moments define us. Rather than excusing our missteps, we learn from them. We teach our children that we’re not perfect and that despite our best efforts, we never will be. But we promise to try. We always try.

Parent Bloggers Network teamed up with Microsoft to help them spread the word about Microsoft’s Portraits of Mom campaign, which is in honor of Mother’s Day and moms everywhere. My post is part of PBN’s Blog Blast for the weekend. Join the blog blast for a chance to win a gift certificate to a local photography studio. So Happy Mother's Day, a little early. -Kirsetin

Once Upon a Time, in a Land Far, Far Away, My Friends Went on Spring Break

For Spring Break this year, several of our friends

travelled to far away exotic locations.  

For example:

No, wait, that's me, peeling wallpaper.  I meant to show you this:

and this:

These are Ann's kids, seeing some cool stuff & hitting the beach in Texas.

  

And this - these are Heather's kids, kicking back in Florida.  She's probably sipping something tasty by the pool!  (No, no, I'm sure she is just drinking some iced tea & taking the family photo!)

Or even this, my very own co-blogger, who left me here (WITH SNOW FLURRIES), while she and her brood relaxed in the Bahamas.

But the one that takes the cake has to be my friend Rena, who wins for best-trip ever, because she went to France with her girls.  I've known you for eight+ years, Rena, and this is the biggest, most at-ease, joy-filled smile I've ever seen!  I don't care what it cost, I'm so glad you went.  You can always make more money, but you can never buy these memories with your girls.

 

My family, as you can tell from the wallpaper, did not travel to an exotic location this year.

But if we'd skipped the hours of torture trying to peel paper off of plaster walls from 1873, we would've missed these moments:

And they are priceless, even if we did have snow flurries...

Hip Mom's Interview with Marianne Ward

Marianne Ward has been married to Andrea Torri, for 12 years. They live in Rome, Italy and have three daughters, Vittoria (9), Cecilia (8) & Sofia (6).

(Please note that as the author of a book about kids & media I absolutely love her answer to "Who's your favorite TV or movie star?")

How do you enjoy spending time with your family? We love spending time on weekends and holidays on our farm in the Umbrian countryside, north of Rome. We cook, walk in the forest, garden, bike ride and make big plans for our piece of paradise.

What do you and your husband enjoy doing together? We enjoy exploring new places together—I took him and the family to India for the first time this last summer and we are all off to the Czech Republic in 2 weeks, cooking and just talking.

How do you spend your days? I get up at 0600 to walk the dog—this is my time when I speed walk with a girlfriend in a nearby historic park. Then back home by 0700 to make the lunches (pasta in the thermos and other things—remember my girls are ½ Italian, so PB&J doesn’t cut it), kids up by 0730 and off to school by 0815. We all go together and then my husband drops me off at the office. I work until about 1800 and then home to deal with the homework, finish dinner (the nanny usually starts or preps). We try to eat together at about 2000, though often Andrea comes home later. Then off to bed for the kids by 2100. And I read and then collapse by 2200—I am definitely not a night owl. (To convert the PM times, just subtract 1200--For example, 1800 means 6:00PM.)

Why do you do what you do? I do love my job as a United Nations Operations Officer. I love the way one is always learning about new countries, and trying to be as efficient as possible in ensuring humanitarian and development assistance to people who need it—it is incredibly satisfying. It still brings tears to my eyes to see some of the children in rural villages—even though after 16 years in this business I should be a hardened, jaded humanitarian aid worker. I love meeting new people, and having the privilege of understanding (as much as I can) other cultures. And I love working with people from all over the world, all with a fascinating story to tell.

What’s a job you think you might have enjoyed doing, if you had pursued a different path. Why? I think that I would have loved to run a toyshop or a bakery. I like to do things for people (like bake) and for people to be happy, and a toyshop is always a magical place (well maybe some more than others, but I think most parents know what I mean). And who knows, I might still do this. The opportunities are still endless, really.

What do you feel truly passionate about in life? My children. I live for them, and couldn’t imagine my life without them. When I travel, which is a lot lately—7 weeks in Tajikistan already this year, and Pakistan and Afghanistan in the works—I often feel almost physically sick when I am away. But skype definitely helps. I am the kids alarm clock when I am away, and I try to skype them when they get home from school, time differences and meetings permitting.

What is your favorite vacation spot? For now it is our farm, but the Amalfi coast is pretty good too.

Who’s your favorite movie or TV star? Difficult one, as we haven’t had a television for nearly 15 years.

How about your favorite movie? We recently really enjoyed Bend it Like Beckham and the Sound of Music as a family—it is a bit old, but I brought home a lot of videos from a recent trip to Pakistan, so we are catching up on all the movies we missed or never saw.

What are three to five books that you’ll always keep on your shelf?
1. My nice notebook with all of my to-do lists, as I can’t keep up with our busy life without it
2. Novels by Irving Stone—I love historically accurate novels, and his are just the best of the genre
3. House and design magazines—OK its not a book, but these for me are mind candy and help me relax, and make further plans for our homes in Rome and the stone farm house
4. The Economist—again not a book, but I don’t manage to read the paper every day, I listen to the radio and then get a bit of more in-depth commentary from the Economist. I have grown up with this news magazine and it is just the best. I can still remember the censored copies we received in Indonesia as a child, with all the articles on Indonesia carefully cut out!
5. Any book basically—the bedside tables in our family are always filled with books, any books.

What about favorite children’s books? Shel Silverstein poems, as they are so silly, and the Olivia books, because she is a pig with attitude. Most of my girlfriends know that my holiday gifts for their kids are books.

PC or Mac lover? Mac, definitely, They are so pretty, and the kids use them at school.

The Animal Game

I absolutely love life with a 5-year old. Here’s a snippet:

E: Do you want to play the animal game?
Me: Okay, sure.
E: I have an animal. You guess.
Me: Okay, does it live in the forest?
E: Nope.
Me: Does it live in the ocean?
E: No. But it lives a lot of different places.
Me: Can it fly?
E: No, it can’t fly.
Me: Does it have four legs.
E: Yes. Four legs, I think, or maybe two.
Me: Does it have wings?
E: Uhhh, then it could fly. It can’t fly.
Me: Oh, right. Is it smaller than Tucker (our lab)?
E: Oh, yes, waaaay smaller.
Me: Is it brown?
E: No, it’s gray.
Me: Can it hop?
E: Yes, it can hop. Also, it’s really, really fast.
Me: Is it a grasshopper?
E: No, smaller.
Me: Is it a cricket?
E: No, smaller.
Me: Ummm, I don’t know. Can I have a hint?
E: It likes cheese.
Me: It can hop, it’s smaller than a cricket, and it likes cheese? Is it a mouse?
E: Yep! You got it!

This is so different from conversations with my eleven and eight-year olds. Over dinner recently, my eleven-year old was complaining about my censorship of the music he downloads on his iPod. We were discussing one popular song in particular:

M: But, mom, everyone has that song except for me.
Me: I understand that the song has a fun beat. Even I like the beat. But do you know what that song is about?
M: What?
Me: It’s about paying a prostitute.
M: What’s that?
Me: It’s a woman that you pay to have sex with you.
C – the 8-year old, who I have forgotten is sitting beside me: Oh, yeah, what IS that, mom?
Me: (Uh-oh; even M realizes my mistake; all eyes are now on me) Ummm, oohhhh, um, Chase, that is something that dad will, ummm, talk to you about later. But right now, boys, we’re talking about music. Can we just talk about the lyrics right now?

See why I love the animal game?

Another Phase...for Mother and Child

Today's my day to post over at Midwest Parents, where I've rambled on about parenting in the tween years, posted some cute photos, and included a link to the best thoughts on motherhood I've ever read.

Click here to take a peek!

-Kirsetin

Laughter is, indeed, the best medicine

It's finally sunny! And anyone who waits this long for sunshine (and is still waiting for warmth) deserves a good laugh. A friend of mine shared this with me (on my new Facebook account). Thought you might enjoy it, too.

Friends, Friend's or Friends'?

As I’ve been thinking about writing this blog, I’ve come to the realization that I do so at great risk.  Once I climb up on the very high-horse of correct grammar usage, it will be quite easy for you to knock me off.  I fear that you will read my posts, watching—waiting, even—for the day you can catch me in some horrific error of my own. And I'm sure you will.  Not only is it likely that I will make some sort of grammatical error, but I can practically guarantee you that I'll misspell words or make typos.  (This happens quite frequently, in fact, when midnight has come and gone and I am still typing.)  Even so, I will admit that I’m a bit of a stickler for details and if I’m uncertain about something, I do my best to look it up.   Why wouldn’t I?  My friend Google can usually give me the answer faster than I can type my next sentence.  And therein lies my gripe:  these days, it’s just not that hard to use grammar correctly.

Now, please understand that in my day-to-day life I’m not on the hunt for grammatical errors; I am not a card-carrying member of the Grammar Police.  If my friend, Sharee’, sends me an e-mail to see if I’m available for lunch, I do not expect grammatical perfection.  I realize that this is not a professional document that Sharee’ has toiled over, edited and checked for mistakes.  In fact, I don’t even care.  I’m just glad someone wants to meet me for lunch.  Or, when my friend Debbie sends me a text to see if my plane ever landed, I assume that she is typing quickly, on tiny keys, and I certainly expect abbreviations and typos galore.  I hope she expects the same from me.  Texting requires a lot of grace in the world of grammar.

However, when I am at a school function, or receive communications from my child’s school, I do, indeed, expect to see the proper use of the English language. 

Example #1:  Apostrophes

This is basic stuff, guys.  If you’re not sure where it goes, it’s not very difficult to find out.  So if you are a mega-volunteer for your child’s school, and you are making signs for people to carry in their school parade, please check your apostrophe use.  No one wants to see their principal carrying a sign that says:

Meadow Brooks Teacher’s Are The Best Ever!

Clearly, the best teachers ever would stay awake nights if their students made this sign.  I can only imagine what they think when the parents make it.  I can tell you what I think, but it wouldn’t be very nice.

Example #2:  Vocabulary

Way back in my 10^th grade English class, Mrs. Bixiones taught us that it was best to use a simple word whenever we could.  At the time, many of us were desperately trying to work perspicacious into every essay, when shrewd or astute would have worked just fine.  I do love words and am delighted when people who are clearly smarter than I am use unconventional words in just the right context.  But I am equally dismayed to see the following in a letter from my child’s middle school:

Your child is part of a unique group compiled of children who have

read over one million words so far this school year.

Comprised, people, you meant comprised.  But that’s still not the correct use of the word, and educators ought to know it.  They’d be right if they told us “This group comprises children who have read over one million words so far this school year,” but they are not even close.

Just to clarify, for anyone who missed it the first time around, this kind of thing does not bother me in day-to-day life, e-mail, texting, or even on blogs.  (Okay, sometimes it does bother me, but it’s not really justified.)  But when school is involved—the very people I’m counting on to teach these nuances to my children—it drives me a little nuts.

And for anyone who’s interested, click here, and here to see two great classics on grammar.  If you’re seeing signs and letters like the ones above, you may want to buy one for your child.

-Kirsetin

A Proud Parent's Indulgence

Please forgive a little frivolity, indulgence, and pride with this post.  My eldest son (11) wrote a couple of puns for a school assignment, and I think they're hilarious so I want to share them with you.  

Puns, by Matthew

• At a meat shop, the owner/head butcher seemed to have backed into a meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.  (A little behind...get it?)

• Cannibals kidnapped me and tried to eat me, but I escaped and fell into 3 big holes—you didn’t hear about them? Well, well, well—then a helicopter with the president in it pulled me out and that’s why I’m late for school.  (3 holes--well, well, well; this one cracks me up!)
  

Enjoy your weekend!  -Kirsetin